i used to like writing those essays a lot,u know those like "24 hrs at a station" or "my worst day" well today the 29th of feb(theres sum irony in the fact tht this day cums only only in 4 yrs n it had to be like this) was pretty much a script 4 one of those essays.i dont think i have ever had such mixed emotions in a single day let alone a week.im tired ,stressed mentally more than physically, deliriously happy,utterly lost, completely betrayed (pretty much brutus style) and a hundred different things at the same time. i think i need to write n by that i mean just write what im thinking n not consciously try to be anything only for the reason that i think a day like this shudnt go completely undocumented and for my own selfish reasons im gonna do it.
A background of the week till now is quite necessary ,i think.get up at 7 everyday to reach college only to discover that theres nothing to do for about an hour ,getting shoved and pushed n touched in god knows what places while trying to do the herculean task of getting into a 185 at peak time,see jodha akbar twice,miss the trains i want 4 times in 1 day n 2 buses and get stuck in traffic in a place where theres never any traffic with two 3 kg books to carry and lose over 1n half hr in the process,think about hrithik and cooo over the way he stood, the way he said his dialogues and pretty much everything,spend more than 15 hrs outside home everyday and out of that about 5 hrs in travellin alone without any music,go to the dr twice and still not know what to do,have three assignments sitting on my head of which two havent been even been started,lose my temper countless times ,getting reprimanded twice in one day for over 1 hr each for something which im not totally responsible and more.
So when the day started for me at 5.45 i was optimistic that today would be different coz im always happy when the eagerly awaited weekend approaches. i got late as expected, i missed my train as expected,i got another train which took me to the original train n faster,seriously not expected,and then finally reach college .my day starts with the quiz eliminations and with the news that im supposed to speak about agaist animal testing in less than an hour,(sumthing which i dont totally beleive in).the quiz goes bad enough considering our team had won the second prize last year-[strike 1]and then im supposed to rush to perform a skit which iv been practising for over 3 weeks and am still not confident about. i do it n i dont mess up even once[point1]and surprisingly people even laugh for the right reasons.i rush to learn what im supposed to gab about for 15 mins with conviction. the entire debate seems like, on hindsight 6 hungry people pouncing upon a piece of meat wanting to have the biggest share,it was funny enough though[point2].
Apparently theres some problem in the quiz and we have to give it again[point 3],but its tougher[too soon,bac to point 2].on the last minute of the quiz i am interrupted and as expected i lose it but only for a bit[strike 3].it offends a lot of people[strike 4].and no one wants to talk about it ,leaving me with a pile of work and no one to ask for help[strike5].i lose an assignment[ [strike6].n that too of the most sanki character of the class[strike7].i find it soon enough[point3].im done with my responsibilities as a cr[point4].i confront the people concerned with the whole issue[strike 8,9,10,11,12,13,14,............].I shout,scream,cry and when im done i try not to think about it[strike (iv forgotten the no)].i hear someone sing[point5].i forgive but i NEVER forget.im around crazy chapri people again[point6].i see my friends dance and cheer really loud for them[point7]. i get to go visit my niece[point8] but i dont get a ricksha[strike].people actually come and tell that our skit was good[point (i cant measure this one )]iv pretty much cooled down but definetly in a different satte of mind.have made a couple of decisions and hope to stand by them.[point9].decide to forgive and be forgiven but never forget.exasperated at the amount of emotions iv gone through in less than 6 hrs,sad that things dont turn out the way i thought they were[strike].i get ricksha[point].smile while thinking of some body[point].see my niece [again cant measure this one].eat after over 12hrs[double point].get to go home in my car[point].hear the news that i might be selected [point] this one was definetly one of the highlights of the day
this wasnt the saddest day of my life nor was it my happiest nor was it the most exciting.but it definetly was something .something i dont want to forget mainly for the reason that i came to know how fickle evrything around is.one minute you think your life is secure and complete and the next you are all alone in a pit and in the next ur again on top of everest.i learnt to not take anything seriously or anything lightly and stop not thinking of things.the cynical part of me wants to take over completly and become wary of the people that surround me and the situations that are around me and lose faith in all my beleifs but the optimistic part, though feeble, tells me that all it was,was just a bad day and it too like tht doorman in "my best friends wedding "said,' it too shall pass'.i hope the cynical part of me doesnt take over .i sincerely hope so.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
has it been a year already?????
the last year has been crazy n by crazy i dont mean staring-at-randomn-ppl-and-picking-out-one-hair-at-a-tym crazy but certified mental-institution-admittable crazy.wen u turn 18 ur lyf changes ,mine definetly did.this wasnt just any other year of my life, i probably learnt more in this year than evr before(well maybe i learnt a lot i was 1 crawling,farting ,eating,attempting 2 walk n falling in d process,laughing, ya i probably learnt more tht year) but anyways.the beginning was truth be told as dull as one of those family functions ur forced 2 go n evrybody around u is either old enuf 2 need reading glasses or yopung enuf 2 get away wid dropping all d food n still luking cute.my college lyf wasnt tht gr8, d travelling was finally getting 2 me and id just lost d zeal 2 do anythng apart from just continuing 2 be a part of d usual humdrum which had my parents having a more active social lyf than me, my sister enjoying in snow my building frnd going 2 3 college fests in a week n actually going on d stage,my frnds going in 4 jobs n actually getting their own pay packets in their hands. basically my life pretty much sucked.
and then buffalo happened.d thng is that it wasnt just a trip , n im so sure other than me it didnt affect any1 else who was a part of it or rather not as much as it did 4 me.it didnt just end there bt had a kind of a snowballing effect n only good thngs were 2 follow.thngs which wud change my outlook, change my perspective,change me. i finally came 2 know wat kind of a person i am,i know how dumb it sounds but i came 2 know myself.i still dont know wat i want from life and most of all where im heading but at least i know me. i know wat i am .at least i think i do
along wid tht i came 2 know lots more.so heres a list of thng i learnt this yr,probably d best yet
1)wen u r cold run 2 nearest loo n releive urself .i learnt it d hard way wen i had 2 walk in biting cold in d dark in d middle of a forest at 5 in d morning in my socks.
2)im a bloody narcissist i cant walk past a car widout luking in d mirror, my fav question is(n my frnds can testify 4 dis one)"hows my hair?" d thng is im not exactly apolegetic about it.just d way i am
3)u shud always speak up. i had an insane fear of public speaking n even more of speaking 2 ppl i didnt know.then one day the sun rose in the east n i realinsed tht no matter how stupid i sound no ones gonna eat me up for wat i say
4)i am hyperimpressed by ppl who can speak well.if an articulate serial killer wud cum along id probably first listen 2 him ramble bout his exploits n then run.
5)jogeshwari cums on both sides,so u can get down either of d two sides.but generally d right is better coz there are steps on d platform which u can use n cross d tracks.
6)life generally shit.it just depends wat kind of shit falls on u.crow shit during very good times,dog shit during times wen u ha a fight wid ur frnds , family etc,n elephant shit wen u r totally screwed up n dont know wat ur doing or wat u shud do in life.its just our job 2 wade thru d shit
7)western express highway at 1.30 am after a light rainshower in a taxi wid 4 of ur closest frnds is absolutely heavenly.
8)my legs r big .period.so i shud stop crying about d fact tht there r hardly any gud shoes out there or shoes which wud luk good on my feet n i shud accept it
9)ur cell can survive falls from d sofa or anythng which is less than 1 foot high.it cannot survive falls from the third berth in a train movina at a speed of more than 120km/hr n will promptly break n put u in a temporary state of utter n total helplessness n self loathing almost equal 2 wa is felt wen u lose one
10) 1st impressons shud not b the benchmark 4 recognising a person n ill b the first 2 say tht i do so myself i.e beleive way 2 much in 1st impressions.i myself ucm off as a rather proud know-it-all n am awful at recognising ppl 4 who they r.the ppl who i had previously thot of as completely hopeless n stupid turned out 2 be real gems.
11) i luv my bdays .i absoulutely luv them.i luv evrythn abou them.i luv th efatc tht every1 u know calls u tht day,u get gifts n generally its a really happy day for me.
12)i cant not talk. i need 2 most of the tym, the four hrs tht i spend travelling evryday r absolute torture.
13)beer is like kadva soda.champagne n wine r totally ok n no d kind of thngs u can get drunk on n start dancing in d rain
14)i shud write more often.im not remotely good at anythng so i shud do sumthng which i am at least comfortable doing
15)pasta is super easy 2 make n choclate cake isnt 2 tough either
16)its not possiblefor evry1 to like u or evry1 2 wnt d same thng.hav 2 learn 2 live wid it.
17)walking on d streets of new york n watching jhandus play basketball,streetside greek restaurants full wid families,ugly green buildings,n basically walking without a destination in mind is d best way 2 spend a day.btw i still cant understand a word of english i.e babban english(for the uninitiated wen african american ppl speak)
18)finally as my current fav song goes i want 2 find a way bac in 2 love .it may not happen this year or the year after tht ,but im willing 2 waitn if tht means seeing every1 n imean even ppl eons of yrs younger 2 me coothie cooing so b it.
so this is basically how my year was .i didnt get 2 donate blood (bloody hb is less),or do paragliding(i did do the trampoline-harness-jumping-thingie) but this is the tym wen i feel content i think theres no better thng than tht.
and then buffalo happened.d thng is that it wasnt just a trip , n im so sure other than me it didnt affect any1 else who was a part of it or rather not as much as it did 4 me.it didnt just end there bt had a kind of a snowballing effect n only good thngs were 2 follow.thngs which wud change my outlook, change my perspective,change me. i finally came 2 know wat kind of a person i am,i know how dumb it sounds but i came 2 know myself.i still dont know wat i want from life and most of all where im heading but at least i know me. i know wat i am .at least i think i do
along wid tht i came 2 know lots more.so heres a list of thng i learnt this yr,probably d best yet
1)wen u r cold run 2 nearest loo n releive urself .i learnt it d hard way wen i had 2 walk in biting cold in d dark in d middle of a forest at 5 in d morning in my socks.
2)im a bloody narcissist i cant walk past a car widout luking in d mirror, my fav question is(n my frnds can testify 4 dis one)"hows my hair?" d thng is im not exactly apolegetic about it.just d way i am
3)u shud always speak up. i had an insane fear of public speaking n even more of speaking 2 ppl i didnt know.then one day the sun rose in the east n i realinsed tht no matter how stupid i sound no ones gonna eat me up for wat i say
4)i am hyperimpressed by ppl who can speak well.if an articulate serial killer wud cum along id probably first listen 2 him ramble bout his exploits n then run.
5)jogeshwari cums on both sides,so u can get down either of d two sides.but generally d right is better coz there are steps on d platform which u can use n cross d tracks.
6)life generally shit.it just depends wat kind of shit falls on u.crow shit during very good times,dog shit during times wen u ha a fight wid ur frnds , family etc,n elephant shit wen u r totally screwed up n dont know wat ur doing or wat u shud do in life.its just our job 2 wade thru d shit
7)western express highway at 1.30 am after a light rainshower in a taxi wid 4 of ur closest frnds is absolutely heavenly.
8)my legs r big .period.so i shud stop crying about d fact tht there r hardly any gud shoes out there or shoes which wud luk good on my feet n i shud accept it
9)ur cell can survive falls from d sofa or anythng which is less than 1 foot high.it cannot survive falls from the third berth in a train movina at a speed of more than 120km/hr n will promptly break n put u in a temporary state of utter n total helplessness n self loathing almost equal 2 wa is felt wen u lose one
10) 1st impressons shud not b the benchmark 4 recognising a person n ill b the first 2 say tht i do so myself i.e beleive way 2 much in 1st impressions.i myself ucm off as a rather proud know-it-all n am awful at recognising ppl 4 who they r.the ppl who i had previously thot of as completely hopeless n stupid turned out 2 be real gems.
11) i luv my bdays .i absoulutely luv them.i luv evrythn abou them.i luv th efatc tht every1 u know calls u tht day,u get gifts n generally its a really happy day for me.
12)i cant not talk. i need 2 most of the tym, the four hrs tht i spend travelling evryday r absolute torture.
13)beer is like kadva soda.champagne n wine r totally ok n no d kind of thngs u can get drunk on n start dancing in d rain
14)i shud write more often.im not remotely good at anythng so i shud do sumthng which i am at least comfortable doing
15)pasta is super easy 2 make n choclate cake isnt 2 tough either
16)its not possiblefor evry1 to like u or evry1 2 wnt d same thng.hav 2 learn 2 live wid it.
17)walking on d streets of new york n watching jhandus play basketball,streetside greek restaurants full wid families,ugly green buildings,n basically walking without a destination in mind is d best way 2 spend a day.btw i still cant understand a word of english i.e babban english(for the uninitiated wen african american ppl speak)
18)finally as my current fav song goes i want 2 find a way bac in 2 love .it may not happen this year or the year after tht ,but im willing 2 waitn if tht means seeing every1 n imean even ppl eons of yrs younger 2 me coothie cooing so b it.
so this is basically how my year was .i didnt get 2 donate blood (bloody hb is less),or do paragliding(i did do the trampoline-harness-jumping-thingie) but this is the tym wen i feel content i think theres no better thng than tht.
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